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Life is too short.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on
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Now that is funny
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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on
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A guy took his girlfriend to her first USC football game. They had great seats right behind the Carolina team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was... 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Hellooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
The Parrots -
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest inquired.
They say; 'Hi, we're hookersl, do you want to have some fun?'
That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed.
Then he thought for a moment. 'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers, do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed;
'Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!'
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ROFL
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Loyalty...
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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on
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That's funny on both accounts.
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
Desert Love Story -
Once upon a time there was a very handsome male camel with two huge camel humps.
He fell in love and married a beautiful female camel who had one perfect camel hump.
As time progressed, they became the proud parents of a wonderful baby camel who had no humps.
They contemplated long and hard on what to call their beautiful little boy.
They finally decided on...... .
You ready for this?????
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'Humphrey'!
Oh, stop your whining!! It's a nice story.
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All of us should live so long as to be this kind of old man!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad."Mr. Barnes, it's obviously not a good morning for golf. It's good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, "I outlived all the old farts."
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Wanna see him beg?
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Everyone is in the spirit
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YOUR LIFE EXPLAINED
On the first day, God created the dog and said, Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years.
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years, and I'll give you back the other 10?" So god saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, " Entertain people, do tricks and make them laugh. For this I will give you a 20 year life span" The monkey said, " Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?" And God again saw it was good
On the third day, God created the cow and said, " You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this I will give you a life span of 60 years." The cow said, " That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I'll give back the other 40?" And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said," Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this I will give you 20 years." But the human said, " Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back , the 10 the monkey gave back and the 10 the dog gave back; that makes 80, okay?" " Okay", said God. " You asked for it." So that is why for our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years, we sit on the porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me, I will be on the front porch.
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I believe I will pass on that one.
J.J. Smith III said:Wanna see him beg?
Only if it is someone else.
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