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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on June 25, 2013 at 1:22

LOL!

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Permalink Reply by Ron Cooper on June 25, 2013 at 1:26

Those crows must have all been from Boston, too!

J.J. Smith III said:

 Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. 

 

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. 

 

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.  

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. 

 

The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

 

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on June 25, 2013 at 11:16

Now that's a hoot, I mean kaw.

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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on July 13, 2013 at 9:27

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As 
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his 
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. 

After a moment or two, the vet 
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, 
has passed away." 

The distressed woman wailed, 
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied 
the vet.. 

"How can you be so sure?" she 
protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or 
something." 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned 
around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later 
with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his 
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from 
top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and 
shook his head. 

The vet patted the dog on the 
head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he 
returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also 
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat 
back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and 
strolled out of the room. 

The vet looked at the 
woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most 
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." 

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and 
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..



The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she 
cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, 
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the 
Cat Scan, it's now $150."

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Permalink Reply by Chuck Parham on July 13, 2013 at 10:21

Now that right there is funny!!!

Jan Carter said:

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As 
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his 
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. 

After a moment or two, the vet 
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, 
has passed away." 

The distressed woman wailed, 
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied 
the vet.. 

"How can you be so sure?" she 
protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or 
something." 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned 
around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later 
with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his 
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from 
top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and 
shook his head. 

The vet patted the dog on the 
head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he 
returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also 
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat 
back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and 
strolled out of the room. 

The vet looked at the 
woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most 
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." 

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and 
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..



The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she 
cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, 
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the 
Cat Scan, it's now $150."

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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on September 10, 2013 at 1:23

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Permalink Reply by Ron Cooper on September 10, 2013 at 2:54

Too phunny!

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Permalink Reply by peter force on September 10, 2013 at 3:12

hey craig im old enough to have heard my POP talking about H.YOUNGMAN.

 

 

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Permalink Reply by peter force on September 10, 2013 at 3:13

LOL.. my neighbors dog after his "surgery" woulod remove the vent from the floor covering where the CENTRAL AC was blowing out of and just rest what he had lft down in the hole....LOLOLOL!

Craig Henry said:

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on September 10, 2013 at 14:21

LOL, especially the last one.

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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Charles Sample on September 10, 2013 at 14:54

A fellow told me he wanted to give me a guitar.  I asked him what I had to do for it?  He said, "Nothing, no strings attached!"

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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on September 10, 2013 at 17:15

LOL!

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