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Life is too short.
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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on
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DISNEYLANDTwo blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.FLORIDA OR MOONTwo blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'CAR TROUBLEA blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.She says, 'What's the story?'He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'SPEEDING TICKETA police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'RIVER WALKThere's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICEA gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.''I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'KNITTINGA highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!''NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'BLONDE ON THE SUNA Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'IN A VACUUMA blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
PUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
- Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
- Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
- A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.
- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'
- An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
- DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
- A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!'
- I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
- A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Year's later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
- Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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Permalink Reply by Steve Hanner on
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Even the tree is smiling.
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
The lawyer and the senior............
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on
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Ya gotta love seniors.......
Craig Henry said:The lawyer and the senior............
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
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