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Life is too short.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on
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Goodness it took a while but I finally adjusted my list of friends around to where it would not be me.
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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on
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I have found a new stress reduction kit. I can't remember how well it worked.
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
LOL! That reminds me of the time I was in New Guinea..........nevermind.
RicK said:
Two cannibals were eating a clown one says to the other .... does this taste FUNNY to you !!!!
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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on
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My doctor warned me about the flu,
Said the best way to avoid it was...Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air. Open doors & windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.
I decided that I’d take “his” approach
Think about it...
When you go for a flu jab, what do they do first? They clean your arm with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.So...
I walk to the bar. (exercise)
I put lime in my vodka...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes and laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then I pass out. (rest)
The way I see it... If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!
REMEMBER: 'A shot in the glass is better than one in the ----!'
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
Quick Kids -
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's...Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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Those are some really good perceptions of how kids really think. Those are really good, Craig.
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Good ones, Jan & J.J.
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
Warning Labels! Is this what the Human Race has come to?
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert -printed on bottom- --"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction and auto accidents if we could just get those 5 & 6 year-olds with head-colds out of the cars and off those bulldozers.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...you think?!....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3:???)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish Chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
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Craig,
The kids you listed yesterday are certainly smarter than the adults creating these warnings LOL
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Got to love the warnings for the brain dead. Makes you wonder where common sense went.
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