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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on October 18, 2012 at 9:20

I'm at Wal-Mart buying a bag of Purina dog food for my dog.

While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying all of this dog food, RIGHT???

So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in Intensive Care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's rear end and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on October 18, 2012 at 19:12

That's funny!

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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on October 18, 2012 at 19:22

JJ,

You know, somehow I can image you whittlin' up a story like that for her ROFL!

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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on November 1, 2012 at 15:20

This made me think of my oldest daughter's "boy" friend. 

She said that he's scared to ride in my truck because I can reach 5 different knives from the drivers seat.

Is that too many?

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on November 1, 2012 at 15:43

Nope.

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Permalink Reply by Steve Hanner on November 1, 2012 at 17:20

You know that seems about average to me. Now you get up to 7 or maybe 8 and I would say you might be overdoing it.

J.J. Smith III said:

This made me think of my oldest daughter's "boy" friend. 

She said that he's scared to ride in my truck because I can reach 5 different knives from the drivers seat.

Is that too many?

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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on November 1, 2012 at 18:02

LOL...certainly not too many and he should be more scared of what he cant see...LOL, what is he thinking?

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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on November 1, 2012 at 19:37

Ok Steve,  do the 2 in the glove box and the 2 in the tool box count as "overdoing it"? 

I can't reach them from the drivers seat.  LOL

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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on November 2, 2012 at 15:36

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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on November 4, 2012 at 20:37

LOL, never quite thought of it that way

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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on November 4, 2012 at 21:49

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ..

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of CocoPops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on November 4, 2012 at 22:48

Exactly, J.J. i do it too often.

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