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Life is too short.

I thought I would start a discussion on something not related to knives, or maybe you have something related to knives to share that might generate a smile or give someone a good laugh. We all need to see the humor in life once in a while. I get some pretty funny e-mails sent to me once in a while. The snip thing in windows 7 make it easy to copy all most anything you want. I don't know if this is the right place to do this or not, but here it is anyway. Please feel free to add something to this discussion you might find funny. You may just make some one giggle or smile.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by peter force on May 6, 2013 at 21:29

100% agree ... this is like when i told my 6yrd old to NOT sneak knives out of the collection my wife is holding...i told him i didnt need him getting cut...of course he sneaks a knife out anyway... although it brought tears to my eyes i was just about to put my foot down and say he cant do it and he stops me right as i was about to open my mouth and says "dad,i know i know,i could get cut-but how do you get cut with a knife if i dont open it the whole time"... i had no answer except,"your right son,you cant"...what was i to do..{plus i was silently proud about it.LOL.}

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Permalink Reply by Ron Cooper on May 7, 2013 at 1:56

When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.
~ Desmond Tutu

*****

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real, but the moon landing was faked.
            ~ David Letterman

*****

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit! I'm a billionaire.
            ~ Howard Hughes

*****

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
            ~ Italian proverb

*****

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
            ~ Betsy Salkind

*****

The only reason that they say, 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
            ~ Jean Kerr

*****

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
            ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

*****

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
            ~ Jeff Foxworthy

*****

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
            ~ Prince Philip

*****

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
            ~ Emo Philips.

*****

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
            ~ Harrison Ford

*****

The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.
            ~ Spike Milligan

*****

Lawyers believe that a man is innocent until proven broke.
            ~ Robin Hall

*****

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
            ~ Jean Rostand.

*****

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
            ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.

*****

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
            ~ W.H. Auden

*****

In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
            ~ Jonathan Katz

*****

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
            ~ Johnny Carson

*****

I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
            ~ Arthur C. Clarke

*****

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
            ~ Steve Martin

*****

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
            ~ Jimmy Durante

*****

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
            ~ John Glenn

*****

If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat?
            ~ Steven Wright

*****

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
            ~ Doug Hamwell

*****

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
            ~ George Roberts

*****

If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
            ~ Jonathan Winters

*****

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
            ~ Robert Benchley

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Chuck Parham on May 7, 2013 at 5:48

Why do people drive like maniacs to get to work when they don't really want to be there in the first place?

Do you wonder how much a store raises it's prices before they have a sale?

Have you ever let someone of the opposite sex go ahead of you in a line just because of their looks?

Why do newscasters tell us "You're not going to believe this" and then tell us anyway?

Finally, do you sharpen the carving knife hours before the big annual family meal and then sharpen it again while everyone watches at dinner time? Did it really get dull sitting there or do you just like to show off your skills with cutlery?

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on May 7, 2013 at 22:28

Those are all really great quotes.

Ron Cooper said:

When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.
            ~ Desmond Tutu

*****

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real, but the moon landing was faked.
            ~ David Letterman

*****

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit! I'm a billionaire.
            ~ Howard Hughes

*****

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
            ~ Italian proverb

*****

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
            ~ Betsy Salkind

*****

The only reason that they say, 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
            ~ Jean Kerr

*****

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
            ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

*****

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
            ~ Jeff Foxworthy

*****

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
            ~ Prince Philip

*****

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
            ~ Emo Philips.

*****

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
            ~ Harrison Ford

*****

The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.
            ~ Spike Milligan

*****

Lawyers believe that a man is innocent until proven broke.
            ~ Robin Hall

*****

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
            ~ Jean Rostand.

*****

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
            ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.

*****

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
            ~ W.H. Auden

*****

In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
            ~ Jonathan Katz

*****

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
            ~ Johnny Carson

*****

I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
            ~ Arthur C. Clarke

*****

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
            ~ Steve Martin

*****

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
            ~ Jimmy Durante

*****

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
            ~ John Glenn

*****

If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat?
            ~ Steven Wright

*****

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
            ~ Doug Hamwell

*****

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
            ~ George Roberts

*****

If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
            ~ Jonathan Winters

*****

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
            ~ Robert Benchley