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Life is too short.

I thought I would start a discussion on something not related to knives, or maybe you have something related to knives to share that might generate a smile or give someone a good laugh. We all need to see the humor in life once in a while. I get some pretty funny e-mails sent to me once in a while. The snip thing in windows 7 make it easy to copy all most anything you want. I don't know if this is the right place to do this or not, but here it is anyway. Please feel free to add something to this discussion you might find funny. You may just make some one giggle or smile.

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on November 19, 2013 at 21:37

Ha, ha ha, ha. LOL

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In MemoriamPermalink Reply by John McCain on November 20, 2013 at 21:22

                            HOW TO START A FIGHT

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as

a Christmas gift...

          The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

          When she asked me why, I replied,

          "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

          And that's how the fight started.....

         ________________________________

          My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while

we were in bed.

          I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

          'No,' she answered. I then said,

          'Is that your final answer?'

          She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

          So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

          And that's when the fight started...

         ________________________________

          I took my wife to a restaurant.

          The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

          "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

          He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

          "Nah, she can order for herself."

          And that's when the fight started.....

          _______________________________

          My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school

reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his

drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

          I asked her, "Do you know him?"

          "Yes", she sighed,

          "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking

right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he

hasn't been sober since."

          "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?"

          And then the fight started...

         ________________________________

          When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting

to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had

something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,

making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she

thought of a clever way to make her point.

          When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall

grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing

scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into

the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again

I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the

grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

          The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

         ______________________________

           My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

          She asked, "What's on TV?"

          I said, "Dust."

          And then the fight started...

         ________________________________

          Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my

lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the

boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential

downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the

garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather

would be bad all day.

          I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back

into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different

anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is

terrible."

          My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my

stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

          And that's how the fight started...

         _______________________________

          My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

anniversary.

          She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in

about 3 seconds."

          I bought her a bathroom scale.

          And then the fight started......

         ______________________________

          After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply

for Social Security.

           The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to

verify my age.

          I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at

home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have

to go home and come back later.

          The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

          So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

          She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for

me' and she processed my Social Security application.

          When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at

the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped

your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

          And then the fight started...

          ________________________________

          My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

          She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

          "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you

to pay me a compliment.'

          I replied, "Your eyesight's near perfect."

          And then the fight started........

         ________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.

                         -- Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

*****************************************************************************************

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on November 20, 2013 at 21:48

Those are some really good ones, John. they sure put a smile on my face.

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on November 20, 2013 at 21:55

An elderly man went to see his doctor. When he went into the exam room, the doctor asked "What seems to be the problem?" The man answered back " I need some Viagra" the doctor looked at him for a minute and answered, " I don't see a problem with getting you a prescription" The man looked back and requested that the doctor only needed to prescribe 4 pills that were each split into quarters. The doctor had a puzzled look and said," Sir, I don't think that a quarter of a pill will really help much." the man looked back and said," I only need it to work good enough to keep from whizzing on my feet"

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Permalink Reply by Steve Hanner on November 21, 2013 at 8:22

Oh this is so good to get it going again! Start my day off with a few laughs thanks all...funny stuff!

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on November 21, 2013 at 13:33

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Permalink Reply by Steve Hanner on November 21, 2013 at 15:43

LOL got that right!

Billy Oneale said:

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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on November 21, 2013 at 16:57

LOL!

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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on November 21, 2013 at 17:07

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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In MemoriamPermalink Reply by John McCain on November 21, 2013 at 17:22

Success is:

At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is having friends.
At age 16, success is having a drivers license.
At age 20, success is having sex.
At age 35, success is having money.
At age 50, success is having money.
At age 60, success is having sex.
At age 70, success is having a drivers license.
At age 75, success is having friends.
At age 80, success is not peeing in your pants.

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on November 21, 2013 at 18:32

LOL

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In MemoriamPermalink Reply by John McCain on November 21, 2013 at 20:01

A lawyer,carpenter,dentist,electrician and a gal pal were all best of friends for years.. Eventually, the lawyer started dating the girl. They fell in love, and decided to marry.There were no hard feelings from the rest of the group, but felt it their duty to prank them one last time.They found out that the newly weds would be spending their honeymoon at a local hotel and left the wedding reception early to carry out their plans.They bribed the desk clerk at the hotel with a large wad of cash and got the pass key to the bridal suite as well as the room directly across from it. The carpenter and electrician entered the bridal suite, telling the dentist to stand guard,The electrician wired the room so that the TV ,telephone, and clock radio would come on at full volume every 5 minutes. Also, all the lights would flash on and off all night long.The carpenter fixed the bed so that the slightest amount of movement would cause it to roll crazily around the room. They finished their handiwork and stepped into the hallway, The dentist said "Now,you stand watch while I do my thing." He was in the room for only 30 seconds when he returned.The gang all returned to their room,retired early,so they could view the spectacle the next morning,They pulled their chairs out into the hallway the next morning, so they could view the wedding couple on their departure from the room .Finally, the couple emerged from the bridal suite, looking haggard and bleary eyed.The groom said " We could have dealt with the noise, the lights flashing, and the bed rolling all over the room. But, whoever put the Novacaine in my KY, I'm going to kill !!