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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on November 21, 2013 at 22:55

Not good. That's almost like sex as being successful at 50. LoL

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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on January 27, 2014 at 17:23

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."  

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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on January 27, 2014 at 19:45

LOL!

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In MemoriamPermalink Reply by Robert Burris on January 27, 2014 at 20:12

J.J. Smith III said:

LOLI was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."  

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In MemoriamPermalink Reply by John McCain on January 27, 2014 at 20:25

My new business when  I retire Februarty 7th - I an accepting pre-orders now !! LOL

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on January 27, 2014 at 22:07

Ha Ha Ha Ha.

J.J. Smith III said:

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."  

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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on January 29, 2014 at 4:47

John,

Always good to see a plan in place LOL.  I will take 2 rabbits if your cleaning
John McCain said:

My new business when  I retire Februarty 7th - I an accepting pre-orders now !! LOL

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Permalink Reply by Steve Scheuerman (Manx) on January 29, 2014 at 6:07

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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on February 19, 2014 at 10:41

PASTOR: "Praise the Lord!"
CONGREGATION: "Hallelujah!"
PASTOR: "Will everyone please turn on their tablet,
PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1 Cor. 13:13.

And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon."

P-a-u-s-e......

"Now, Let us pray committing this week into God's hands.
Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook , and chat with God"

S-i-l-e-n-c-e

"As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready."
"You can log on to the church Wi-Fi using the password 'Lord909887.'
 
The ushers will circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshippers:
 
a.. Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church..
b.Those who prefer to use iPads can open them.
c.. Those who prefer telephone banking, take out your cell phones to transfer your contributions to
the church account.
The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly electrified as ALL the smart phones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker!
 
Final Blessing and Closing Announcements..
a.. This week's ministry cell meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in and don't miss out.

b. . Thursday's Bible study will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don't miss out.
c. You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers
God bless you and have nice day

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on February 19, 2014 at 20:25

LOL. That sounds about right. I still leave my phone in the car when in church, but I did notice our pastor has his on his side.

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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on May 25, 2014 at 20:14

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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on May 25, 2014 at 21:47

i think I would give up trying to run through there. HA HA HA

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