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Life is too short.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on
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I wouldn't either, Craig.
The wife and I went shoping at the mall today, trying to get ahead of all the black Friday drama. Still had an arguement, between two folks, over their place in line...
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
Real 9-1-1 Calls!
Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Call er: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on
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Permalink Reply by stephen tungate on
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now thats funny i don't care what anybody say's..........
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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on
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Aflac! He He. That is funny.
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LOL,
I love the knife fight Billy
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Hog,
This one is for you...
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which
lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life,
as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members
of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes
in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole
is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave
and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
...then they kick him in the ice hole.
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Now isn't that cute?
Jan Carter said:Hog,
This one is for you...
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Permalink Reply by Steve Hanner on
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OHHH thats just too cute! Someday olHog's gonna have some grandkids doin just that!
Jan Carter said:Hog,
This one is for you...
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Mrs Beatrice,
The church organist was in her eighties and had never been married
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.She also invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ,
The young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water , and in the water floated a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and it's strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
Mrs Beatrice, he said,
I wonder if you would tell me about this? as he was pointing to the bowl. Oh Yes! She replied Isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and it would prevent the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.
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