iKnife Collector
The online community of knife collectors, A Knife Family Forged in Steel
Life is too short.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on
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A VERY good reason
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.
Walking through the mall the surprised wife look up and noticed her
husband was no where around and she was very upset because they had a lot to do.
She used her cell phone to call her husband because she was so upset, to ask him where he was.
The husband in a calm voice said, honey remember the jewelry store we went into
5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we
could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?
His wife said crying, yes I remember that jewelry store.
He said, well I'm in the bar next to it.
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
The Politically Correct 12 Days Of Christmas;
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
THREE deconstructionist poets
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and…
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
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I need a number to call for santas elf who starts yelling at you?
the number is 1413-241-2498.
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
I just talked to a guy living in northern Minnesota near the Canadian border.
He said that it's been snowing since early this morning and the snow is now nearly
waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping steadily and is now
at about 15 degrees with the north wind increasing to near gale force.
His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.
He said if it gets much worse, he just might have to let her in.
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
For iKC Pirates Only!
--What do you call a stupid pirate?
The pillage idiot!--How do you know if a pirate is a handyman?
He has a peg-board leg!!
--Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C!
--What is a pirate's favourite type of music?
Arr and B!--Why was the pirate's butt so big?
He kept stealing everyone's booty!--Why did the pirate run aground?
His eye-patch was the wrong prescription!
--What did the pirate get on the test?
A high sea!
--What brand of clothes do pirates wear?
Arrrrrrrrmani!--What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
Robin Hook!!!!
--What do you get when you cross a pirate with a zuchnni?
A Squashbuckler!!!--What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
Rookie!--What do you call a pirate with no eye?
A prate!
--Why did the pirate's daughter never get asked out on dates?
She had a sunken chest!--What are pirates a part of?
Avast Conspiracy!--Why is pirating addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
--Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
The captain was standing on the deck!
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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on
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Just knew it would happen. (Must be in a "Blue" state.)
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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on
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Ho, Ho, Ho!
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The older we get....
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'(keep shuddering!!)
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
When Insults Had Class;
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
-- Abraham Lincoln"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-- Mark Twain"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-- Jack E. Leonard"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
-- Thomas Brackett Reed"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-- Mark Twain"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder
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