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Life is too short.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on
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Permalink Reply by Billy Oneale on
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Hopefully not, Don. I thought it was funny anyway.
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
These kinda remind me of Henny Youngman - anyone here old enough to remember him?!
- My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning; can
you believe that ... 2:30 am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.- I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
- My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
- I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."
- The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I went to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.
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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on
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This is a GREAT idea
A woman was in court, charged with wounding her husband. "But why did you stab him over a hundred times?" asked the judge. "Oh, your Honor," replied the defendant, "I didn't know how to switch off the electric carving knife."
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Jan, Craig, thanks for adding some good jokes to the discussion. They were funny. good pic of Larry the cable guy, JJ.
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
Something to think about............
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch Called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13.. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
21. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
22. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
23. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
24. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
25. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
26. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
27. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
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Cowboy Bob
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
LOL! I love that one....and my wife just punched me in the arm.
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ROFL
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Husband's and Wife's diaries......
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Jim was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late; but he made no comment on it. So I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset..
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.
He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
Husband's Diary:
Boat won't start, can't figure out why.
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That's funny. I have fits when mine won't start also. Thanks for adding some jokes, Jan.
Jan Carter said:
Husband's and Wife's diaries......
Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought Jim was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late; but he made no comment on it. So I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset..
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.
He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
Husband's Diary:
Boat won't start, can't figure out why.
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I had never really thought about some of that, Craig. It shows how much we take things for granted. Thanks for adding to the discussion.
Craig Henry said:
Something to think about............
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch Called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13.. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
21. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
22. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
23. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
24. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
25. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
26. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
27. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
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