iKnife Collector
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Life is too short.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Chuck Parham on
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Secret military testing of a new anti-personnel weapon. Law enforcement will be using it for Justin Bieber concerts crowd control.
Ron Cooper said:How's this for umbrella humor...
That guy was just kiddin' around. D'oh!
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Permalink Reply by Ron Cooper on
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If you ask me, they should use it ON Justin Bieber!
Chuck Parham said:Secret military testing of a new anti-personnel weapon. Law enforcement will be using it for Justin Bieber concerts crowd control.
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Charles Sample on -
I just can''t justify Bieber!
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Permalink Reply by Steve Hanner on
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Ok that's good! :)
Charles Sample said:A fellow started a business selling umbrellas. But he had to give it up. The overhead was too much.
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Yes those fainting goats are a hoot! Open an umbrella, make a sudden move almost anything and they keel right over for about 3-4 seconds, then get right back up and eat. Originally bred to be "scape goats" when the predator chases the expensive goats or stock the fainters fall over to divert attention and look like easy prey...but before you know, as the predator usually stops running and starts sniffing it, they are up and running again, mostly fooling whatever is chasing it!
Ron Cooper said:How's this for umbrella humor...
That guy was just kiddin' around. D'oh!
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Permalink Reply by Jan Carter on
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I am afraid I would have too much fun with those goats
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
Q. How many knives does it take to change a light bulb?
A. About 5. Don't ask why, its just a stab in the dark.
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Charles Sample on -
Craig, I just don't get the point of that joke. Maybe its because I am not very sharp.
But my wife says I am on the cutting edge!
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
LOL!
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
Q: Where do you find a one legged dog?
A: Where you left it.
Q: What did the water say to the boat?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet.
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
Q: What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A: A cartoon.
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A: It let out a little wine!
Q: What's worse than having a worm in your apple?
A: Taking a bite and finding a half of a worm in the apple!
Q: In which school do you learn to make ice cream?
A: Sunday school! ay!
Q: How do you turn soup into gold?
A: Add twenty four carrots!
Q: What did one plate say to the other?
A: Dinner's on me.
Q: Where does the one legged man work?
A: At IHOP.
Q: What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko.
Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept!
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FeaturedPermalink Reply by Craig Henry on -
Some more corny ones ---
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a doctor?
A: Lots of blood
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!
Q: Why didn't the orange cross the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!
Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.
Q: Why did the Orange go out with a Prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a Date!
Q: Why is it difficult for a pirate to learn the alphabet?
A: Because he's always gets lost at "C"
Q: How is a piece of gum like a sneeze?
A: Its a chew!
Q: What did the melted cheese say to the unlucky tortilla?
A: Man, it's nacho day!
Q: How do scientists keep their breath fresh?
A: With experi-mints.
Q: What type of computer sings?
A: A Dell
Q: What type of shorts does a midget wear?
A: Short, Shorts!
Q: Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!
Q: Why don't they serve chocolate in prison?
A: Because it makes you break out!
Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: Because it had too many problems.
Q: Did you hear about the guy in the car accident lost his entire left side?
A: I heard he's all right.
Q: What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
A: A deviled egg!
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Permalink Reply by J.J. Smith III on
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Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."
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